Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
