I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
