When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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