You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
