Ambien. No doubt about it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
