I smell stomach acid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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