You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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