he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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