Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
