Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
