i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
