i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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