i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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