Midget sex pt 2 tonight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
