oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
