I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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