I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
