We won't sleep together?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize