its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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