Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
