Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
