Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Vodka?
Forever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
