I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
