I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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