Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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