Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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