the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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