Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
