He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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