just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
