ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
