So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
