Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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