If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
