I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
