Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
