So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
