I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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