did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
