I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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