so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
