After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
