I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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