I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
