Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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