last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
