u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
