She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
