Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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