he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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