also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
