Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
