Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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