i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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