I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
