i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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