our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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