I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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