I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
