hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
