I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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