You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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