I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
