I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
